RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION is a good reason why you shouldn't take my movie recommendations.

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION should have been called G.I. JOE vs. ZOMBIES. That is what this whole movie looks like. The movie has nothing to do with retribution but it does have a bunch of guys that look like action figures running around getting killed by the weapons proficient undead. I am not sure why the word "retribution" is in the title. R.E.R. is about Alice once again in an Umbrella facility that is underwater running from monsters, zombies and clones. There is no revenge involved with any of that. She is just getting from point A to point B with the help of some familiar faces. Barry from the original RESIDENT EVIL game (Played by that one guy that gets stabbed repeatedly in the throat in 3:10 TO YUMA) and Leon (Played by......Dolph Lundgren?) from the game's sequel are mercs or something who are sent by Wesker to help Alice escape. Now I am just going to say it. I like all of these movies. I think they are fun monster movies that can't be taken too seriously. I happen to like monster movies a lot. I also happen to like bashing things I like too so here I go.

R.E.R. is more like a live action cartoon with outlandish fighting moves, extremely elaborate super complex impossibly located Umbrella bases and bad bad writing. Most of the time with movies like this I usually don't mind a little bad dialogue. As long as the movie is entertaining and creative I don't care. But DANG(!) this movie has this really bad scene where Wesker (Looking quite good for being blown up by a mini-nuke) appears on this computer screen and starts explaining to Alice that the neighborhood she just escaped from was just a simulated street used to demonstrate to buyers what the zombie virus can do. Confused for some reason Alice starts questioning about the weather and people and such and Wesker obliges with answers. No way after four past movies dealing with the Umbrella Corporation and their uber-high tech underground bases would Alice question the validity of a simulated environment. All Wesker should have said was,"It was simulated". And Alice should have responded, "That's what I figured". The end. But, No. We get a five minute scene that feels like ten minutes of a back and forth question and answer session that adds nothing to the scene. We are told nothing that everybody including all the characters don't already know. Are you padding your run time, RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION? Seriously. Babies write better dialogue in their diapers.

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1 comment:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

In other words, they ruined our mindless entertainment of zombies and Alice kicking butt? What a shame...